i feel like i can say this here because the main person this concerns doesn’t read tumblr anymore. so let’s go. but quickly, because i am picking two of my favourite people up from the airport soon and that makes me so excited that i feel like i am going to throw up.

first of all: if you have a problem with me or the way i act, fucking tell me. i thought we were closer than that.

second: i tell you HIGHLY personal things because i thought we were close. but to know that you don’t understand and think less of me for it just proves i was wrong to trust to. that was my mistake. and i will rectify it.

third: obviously my issues annoy you and make you feel uncomfortable. fine. i get that. but you were forewarned. don’t get close to me if you have a problem with that.

fourth: i suppose this friendship has been one-sided and you think less of me than i thought. i feel stupid for having put a lot of my trust and confidence in you. this is the reason why i haven’t become close friends with anyone in a long time. i put myself out there. and you fucked me. my mistake. but it’s fine. and you know why? because it has made me realise that i don’t need anyone else. i have luke and emma and cher and sal. they get it. they love me no matter what. and they will tell me the truth.

yes, i am insecure. yes, sometimes i am childish and stupid. yes, i can be impossible to be around. but if you truly care about someone you work around those things and it doesn’t make you love them any less. you accept it as part of them and help them to improve themselves if that is what they’re trying to do.

so i guess this is goodbye. a goodbye to the friendship i thought we had. a goodbye to the strength i thought you gave to me. i can do this without you. i will do this without you. you were a mistake. but i have learnt from you. i don’t need someone like you in my life like that. for once i am standing up for myself and thinking about my life first.

this big part of me wants to rant and rave and cry and have someone hold me about this. it upsets me. a lot. but i just need to focus on the fact that this is a good thing. and however much it hurts now, it won’t hurt soon. 

everything will be okay.